11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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