I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
