Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Randomize
