she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
