I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I need to align my fucking chakras
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