This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
