three words: i give head
three words: not that well
zippers are such a cool invention
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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