i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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