Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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