i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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