That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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