They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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