The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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