Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
