you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
