If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize