Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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