420 ftw
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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