At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
