look no pants
Barsexuality is the new black.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
