The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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