You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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