I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
