would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
