He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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