You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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