I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
