I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
