the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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