Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize