The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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