i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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