"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm really busy with my period
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