Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We were destined to go to rehab together
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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