Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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