Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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