I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
