is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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