I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
