I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
