I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
this hospital has no fireball
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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