hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
