About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
