New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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