sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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