i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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