I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Drunk is not a location!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
