dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
