It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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