im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize