we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
