I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
