My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
