She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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