yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
