Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
