i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
