I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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