New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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