nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
