hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize