What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
