dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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