i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
