I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
