I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
