Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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