I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Can you bring me the toilet please
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
