No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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