Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
he just fucked me for my cheese..
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
