I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
