My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize