He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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