so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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