Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
