So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
