One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
this just has baby written all over it
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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