im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize