Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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