A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
