Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
