You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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