the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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