There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
