I'm jealous of your bromance
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize