Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
