Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
