I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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