drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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