well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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