sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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