so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
