Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
