your thong is hanging out like whoa
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she peed on how many people?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
