Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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