omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
foreskin is a definite game changer
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
