Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
