she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
