just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize